Washington, D.C. In a move that’s as audacious as it is geographically puzzling, President Donald Trump has reportedly suggested renaming the Gulf of Mexico to the “Gulf of America.” While critics were quick to point out that it’s not exactly America’s exclusive gulf to rename, Trump insisted, “It’s the best gulf. Everyone says so. The Mexicans can have a gulf, but this one? This one’s ours. Believe me.”
This bold rebranding effort has inspired speculation about what other iconic names Trump might seek to “improve.” After all, why stop at bodies of water when there’s a whole world of things that could use the Trump touch? Let’s explore the possibilities:
- The Atlantic Ocean → The Trump Ocean
Who needs a name that references an entire continent? The Atlantic is far too generic. Trump would likely argue, “It’s huge. It’s the ocean everyone loves to cross to come to America. We deserve to name it after someone great.” Bonus: Mar-a-Lago could be retroactively declared the capital of the Trump Ocean, complete with gold-plated dolphins.
- Mount Rushmore → Mount Trumpmore
Trump has long hinted at his dream of joining the ranks of Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, and Lincoln. Why not go further and give the whole mountain a glow-up? Picture the iconic faces replaced by one enormous Trump likeness with perfect hair, gazing into the horizon. “It’s not vanity,” he might say. “It’s history—tremendous history.”
- The Grand Canyon → Trump’s Tremendous Canyon
Sure, the Grand Canyon has been awe-inspiring for millions of years, but does it have a five-star golf resort? Under Trump’s plan, the canyon would feature luxury condos carved into its walls and a golden suspension bridge—because “America deserves a grander Grand Canyon.”
- The Statue of Liberty → Lady Liberty Sponsored by Trump Tower
The Statue of Liberty is iconic, but wouldn’t it look better in gold? And maybe holding a champagne flute instead of a torch? Trump’s redesign would include a 24-hour rotating billboard featuring his campaign slogans. “Liberty is great, but Liberty brought to you by Trump is even greater.”
- Yellowstone National Park → Goldstone National Park
Nature is nice, but it could use a little more flair. Under Trump’s vision, Yellowstone would get a glitzy makeover, complete with Trump-branded geysers that shoot out champagne instead of water. Old Faithful? Outdated. “Make Geysers Great Again” would be the new slogan.
- The White House → The Gold House
Why stick with boring white paint when you could opt for something more luxurious? A complete rebrand of the White House would include gold accents, a diamond-encrusted fence, and a Trump-branded water fountain shaped like, well, Trump. “It’s what America deserves—a home as great as its leader.”
- The North Pole → Trump Pole
Santa has had a good run, but Trump would likely claim, “I’ve done more for Christmas than anyone else. The North Pole? It’s mine now.” The elves could be rebranded as “Trump Workers,” and every gift would include a MAGA hat and a copy of The Art of the Deal.
- The United Nations → The United Trumps
Why have an organization that represents all nations when you can have one that represents just Trump? Delegates would be required to stay in Trump-branded hotels, and all resolutions would be stamped with his signature catchphrase, “You’re fired.”
- Earth → Planet Trump
Ultimately, why stop at regional or national changes when you can aim for planetary rebranding? Trump would argue, “The Earth is part of the universe, but let’s be honest, it’s my universe.” Global landmarks could be rebranded with Trump logos visible from space, ensuring future alien visitors know exactly who’s in charge.
The Genius of Renaming
While some might view these ideas as over-the-top, Trump’s approach has a certain… consistency. By rebranding familiar places and monuments, he’s creating a world that’s undeniably his. Critics may laugh (and they will), but fans would no doubt cheer for a Gulf of America, a Trump Ocean, and a Statue of Liberty with a little more pizzazz.
One thing is clear: under the Trump naming strategy, no corner of the world—or galaxy—would remain untouched. Whether you love or loathe the idea, you’d certainly never forget it. After all, Trump’s version of history isn’t written in stone—it’s etched in gold.
“Gulf of America,” Other Bold Rebranding Ideas from Trumpiverse (Jan. 23, 2025)
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