A Masterclass in Diplomatic Self-Sabotage

New York, N.Y. –– Let’s give a round of applause to Secretary of State Marco Rubio for his bold vision of diplomacy: loyalty oaths to Donald Trump. In a move that screams “diplomatic genius,” Rubio declared South Africa’s ambassador persona non grata because—brace yourselves—the ambassador dared to criticize Trump.

Apparently, in the new world order, expressing disdain for the former president is tantamount to treason against America itself.

Rubio’s latest masterpiece raises an intriguing question: what happens if we apply this standard globally? Spoiler alert—Washington would look like a ghost town. By my calculations, 120 countries would lose their diplomatic representation in the U.S., leaving only about 30 embassies standing. And what a distinguished group that would be! Russia would lead the charge, followed by paragons of democracy like North Korea, Belarus, and Eritrea. Truly, a coalition to inspire confidence.

The Survivors’ Club: Trump’s Inner Circle

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the countries that would remain in Washington under Rubio’s loyalty test. Among them are such luminaries as:

• Russia: Because nothing says “Make America Great Again” like cozying up to Vladimir Putin.
• North Korea: Kim Jong-un did write those “beautiful letters” after all.
• Saudi Arabia: Where human rights violations are just another Tuesday.
• Eritrea: A nation so free it has been dubbed the “North Korea of Africa.”

Yes, these are the nations Rubio envisions as America’s closest allies in his new diplomatic utopia. Forget NATO and the European Union; we’re building alliances with autocrats now.

The Departed: Allies Who Dared to Criticize

Meanwhile, traditional allies like Germany, France, and the U.K. would be shown the door for their unflattering assessments of Trump. Let’s not forget their unforgivable sins:

• Germany: President Frank-Walter Steinmeier once called Trump “a danger” due to his unpredictability.
  
• France: Former President François Hollande said Trump’s rhetoric “makes your stomach turn.”
  
• United Kingdom: Even David Cameron couldn’t hold back, labeling Trump’s comments “divisive” and “unhelpful.”

These are countries that have stood by the U.S. through wars and crises—but alas, they failed the ultimate test of swearing fealty to Trump.

Collateral Damage: Global Institutions

Rubio’s policy wouldn’t just alienate individual nations; it would also sever ties with global institutions that have dared to cross Trump:

• The World Health Organization (WHO): Remember when Trump pulled out during a global pandemic? That move surely won him no friends among countries prioritizing public health.
• Paris Climate Agreement Signatories: On day one of his presidency, Trump withdrew from this pact because who needs clean air or water anyway?

By alienating these groups, Rubio ensures that America stands alone—not as a leader but as an outcast.

The Irony of “America First”

Rubio’s strategy is a perfect reflection of Trump’s “America First” doctrine—except it seems more like “America Alone.” Traditional allies are dismissed as nuisances while authoritarian regimes are embraced with open arms. This isn’t diplomacy; it’s a high school popularity contest where only sycophants get invited to sit at the cool kids’ table.

And let’s not overlook how this impacts America domestically. Shuttering embassies means fewer opportunities for cultural exchange, trade negotiations, and international cooperation on issues like terrorism and climate change. But hey, who needs all that when you’ve got Twitter posts declaring your enemies persona non grata?

A Warning from History

History is littered with examples of leaders who prioritized loyalty over competence or collaboration—and it never ends well. Rubio might want to brush up on his history books before he isolates America further on the global stage.

In conclusion, Rubio’s approach is less about diplomacy and more about enforcing ideological purity tests on behalf of Donald Trump. If this continues, Washington might as well replace its embassies with statues of Trump himself—gold-plated and larger than life, naturally.

Welcome to the New Axis of Trump: Diplomacy for the Devoted (March 15, 2025)

#RubioDiplomacyFail #AmericaAlone #TrumpLoyaltyTest
#GlobalIsolation #PersonaNonGrata

Tags: Marco Rubio, Donald Trump, Diplomacy, Persona Non Grata Policy, U.S.-South Africa Relations, Global Politics